The Problem with Back To The Future III: The End

Holy cow. It’s been almost two months since I wrote something original on here. Don’t want to break that record just yet, so here’s a 4 year old Facebook memory that still has value and merit a far as I’m concerned about Back the Future III. It’s important. It needs to be talked about.

Here you go:

Back to the Future III.

At the very end, Marty goes back to 1985. He arrives on the train tracks.

As he rolls by slowly at the crossing, there are at least four cars full of people that see him. Then, a second later a train comes and destroys the DeLorean.


Goodbye DeLorean

Again, At least four cars full of people witness this, along with the train driver. Surely the train driver knows he just obliterated a car that potentially had at least one person inside, yet he keeps on going! The scumbag was probably drunk. I don’t know where he thinks he’s running to. Surely police will know where to find a train right? Because all of those people in the cars that just saw this train vs. vehicle called the police right?

So the, Marty leaves the scene of the train crash, WALKS to his house, which has to be at least a 20 minute hike. Then when he finally gets there he gets in his truck and drives over to Jennifer’s.

Add on another 20 minutes.

Then, after waking up Jennifer and getting her inside the truck, he begins to drive over to the crash site.

While en route to the crash site, Needles pulls up next Marty at a red light in his red 1970’s Ford pickup. Now Needles pulls up with two dudes drinking beer in the bed of the truck and some punk sitting next him, BLASTING Huey Lewis! Keep in mind Needles looks like a hardcore 1980’s punk rocker with his green skull shirt, leather jacket, greased up filthy hair and a cocaine stare. Yet he’s driving around cranking HUEY LEWIS like he’s some sort of bad ass! Real cool Needles! You gonna go loiter around the arcade later you badass?


Your tough guy street cred is blown when you drive around with a John Cusack wannabe as a passenger cranking Huey Lewis, Needles. Sweet truck, though.

So, after Needles narrowly avoids colliding with a Rolls Royce and sending the two unstrapped passengers in the bed flying though the air after a T-bone collision and eventually smashing into the pavement at 60 miles per hour, killing them both and ensuring that Needles will spend the rest of his life taking it in jail (At least 2 counts of vehicular homicide, possibly more depending on his passenger and the Rolls Royce victims), Marty takes Jennifer to the crash site.

This HAS to be about an hour after the collision! WHAT? The police never showed up. None of those four cars OR the scumbag train engineer reported the collision?

If police were aware it, certainly they would’ve responded within an hour, and if they had, surely they would still be on scene investigating, right? NO! All of the debris from the crash still sits there! LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED!


Hey, a giant flying train just arrived. No one take any pictures or get back on the phone with the police with an update to that horrible train vs. car collision you already reported! “Yeah, 9-1-1? Me again. Remember the train that hit the car about an hour ago I called about? Well, bit of an update if you’re interested… ummm… a flying train just appeared out of nowhere.” BTW… notice all the debris scattered about? No one has even investigated this yet.

THEN, a time machine train loudly appears on the tracks out of nowhere, sits there and talks to Marty and Jennifer for at least 5 minutes and NO ONE in the three story apartments or the little boxes on the hill side in the background bothers to take a picture or again call the cops? Especially as they are FLYING away? A FLYING TRAIN that made a deafening entrance five minutes ago? NOPE!

But that is not even the WORST thing.

After three movies, A TRILOGY, of Back to the Futures and Doc Brown telling Marty not to take a piss in the wrong place or it will mess up the whole future, in the end Jennifer tells him she has this fax from the future but because Marty didn’t get in a wreck, it erased itself!


This thing should’ve disappeared.

First of all, the fucking thing should’ve vanished, because if Marty never hit the car, that means he’s not the guy who always has to do what people want him to because he can’t stand being a referred to as a chicken or yellow! So, he would’ve never been sent a “You’re fired!!!” fax in the first place because he wouldn’t have scanned his card and told Needles, ‘I’m in!” So, he NEVER would’ve been fired. The fax should’ve disappeared.


Happier days for Needles.

But again, after three movies of Doc telling Marty that he can’t even wipe a booger on a wall or it might cause a chain reaction which would mean the difference between your parents being successful and playing tennis in the morning, or smoking and drinking vodka while celebrating your brother’s parole, he tells Jennifer that the “you’re fired” fax means that “The future isn’t written. No one’s is!”


Doc Brown contradicting 2 1/2 movies worth of advice.

So what? Doc gets a little strange from Clara Clayton and now all the sudden he’s foot loose and fancy free?

Some corny after school “make the most of your life” advice?

It means your future husband isn’t a reactionary douchebag and is now able to keep his job because he doesn’t give in to peer pressure.


Jennifer: “Thanks for nothing, Doc. Now please leave my impressionable, trusting teenage boyfriend alone you old kook and go back in time with your magic train.”

It’s like I want to believe, but I just can’t. Too many holes in the plot. It’s like they just rushed the filming of this movie and didn’t even care. And this was the just tail-end of the movie that I caught! I still love the movies though. Ok, got to stop now. Striking Distance staring Bruce Willis is on.

bruce willis striking


Who can help me get ‘Crow Cops’ financed?

There’s a Dutch company looking to put Crows to work. I say, “Why Not?… but why stop there?” Crows are extremely intelligent and if they’ll work so cheap, let’s get them doing more things for us!

This is a great idea by CrowdedCities.comand a great start. And while cleaning our planet is a noble cause, I feel like we can get these crows doing other things for us.

But mostly, this is just a pitch to get my sitcom “Crow Cops” green-lit by someone. Any takers? Contact me for more.

For now, here’s more info on what this company is doing and how I think we can expand.

My family photo session went a little better than this family’s… but just a little.

Family photos are certainly important. Not so much for the whole keeping memories aspect of them, but for letting you know how not cool you used to look.

Rat tails and MC Hammer pants were not apparently as cool as I thought when I was a kid. Though, I’ll be honest, it’d be fun to resurrect that look – if only for a day.

No matter how cool you thought you looked at one time in your life, family photos will prove you wrong every single time.

Pam and Dave Zaring wanted to get some photos taken of their beautiful family, so Pam found someone who said they’d do it for $250.

You get what you pay for. Pam found that out and posted the final result on Facebook, stressing, it was not a joke.

Now, I’m not professional photographer, but if this is the quality of work that comes with that price, sign me up, because I can take photos just as good, if not better, all day long.


Facebook/Pam Dave Zaring


Facebook/Pam Dave Zaring


Facebook/Pam Dave Zaring


Facebook/Pam Dave Zaring


Facebook/Pam Dave Zaring


Facebook/Pam Dave Zaring

Pam insists on Facebook that these photos are not a joke. Though, if you head to the photographer’s Facebook page, you’ll notice the theme is consistent. But again, Pam says this is totally real and not fake.

Her post has been shared more than 400,000 times.

I get it though, Pam. You want to save a few bucks. Family photos are expensive. My wife and I did the same thing last summer for our first ever family photo shoot with our new son, Hudson.

Of course, when we got the final product we all ended up looking like characters from Duck Tales (Woo Hoo), but overall, I’m extremely happy with how they turned out.


Something About This Guy’s Story Stinks. *Hint: His Farts. It’s His Farts.

It’s Friday and if you’re sitting at your computer right now a little melancholy because you haven’t seen any stories about suspected criminals using the power of farts to get them out of an interview with police, then I’m about to make your week a whole lot better and turn that frown upside down. 

On September 1, 24-year-old Sean Sykes Jr., of Kansas City, Missouri, was pulled over. Police found a backpack that contained drugs and two guns, one of them was reported as stolen. 


Like most suspected criminals, denied knowing anything about them. Police did not take him at his word. They brought him downtown for some questioning. 

This is where things took a turn for the worse. For the police. 

There was something about Sykes’ story that didn’t add up. Something wasn’t right. Something smelled fishy. 

Turns out, if something did smell fishy it had nothing to do with Sykes’ story, but more likely what he had for lunch. 

While being interrogated, detectives asked Sykes for his address, presumably at the beginning of the interview. 

His answer? 

“Mr. Sykes leaned to one side of his chair and released a loud fart before answering with the address,” a detective noted in his report. 

Image result for that's a bold strategy cotton gif

Sykes’ decision to rip farts instead of answering questions did pay off for him. Detectives couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Mr. Sykes continued to be flatulent and I ended the interview,” the detective wrote.

Charges. Were. Not. Filed! (At the time.) 

However, Skyes was pulled over again on November 5 and must’ve ran out of gas or at least come across a detective with the sense of smell of Dewey Cox, because this time he was arrested for possession of marijuana, crack and… a stolen gun. 

He was out of farts and out of chances.

Based on the two incidents, Sykes was charged in U.S. District Court for possession with intent to sell cocaine and being a felon in possession of three firearms, two of which were reported stolen.

He was arrested and made his first appearance on Monday. 

Thoughts and prayers to Mr. Sykes’ cellmate. 


NASA Needs Help Naming A Celestial Object – Maybe This Time They’ll Listen To Me

Here we are again. I feel like a broken record, but I have no choice.

Someone is turning to the internet to name something and it’s someone that should know better, because they’re super smart!

NASA – the same folks that put us in space, put us on the moon, and have sent probes all over our solar system – they’re asking the same people who wanted to name a boat “Boaty McBoatface” to help them name an object 4 billion miles away.

This is it (kinda). This is an artist’s conception of what this thing looks like.


You’ll remember NASA’s New Horizons probe zipped past Pluto (It’s still a planet to me, damn it!) in 2015. Well it’s still going and in two years it will fly by past this thing,
and NASA says it needs a name.

Actually it already has a name. It needs a good name. Right now they call it 2014 MU69 (Potentially also my license plate). That’s a stupid name. They need something a little more relatable.

So they are asking for your help.

But wait, wait – NASA is smart!

They’ve set it up so they will avoid a “Space Rock McSpace Rockface” situation. They’ve learned from others’ mistakes.

NASA will take your stupid suggestion, but ultimately they will have the final say.

However, they at least seem open to something a little less traditional. These are some of the names you can vote for right now.

  • Z’ha’dum (fictional planet at the edge of the galaxy)
  • Año Nuevo (“New Year” in Spanish)

But you see other than the nuts, many of these are too hard to pronounce.

So I’m throwing this out there, and this is a 100 percent true story.

When I was a kid, probably 12-years-old, I looked up at the Moon one night and I thought, “The moon doesn’t have a name does it?”

All of the other planets and moons in our solar system have names, but ours is just “The Moon.”

So little Cory wrote a letter to NASA and asked about it, and if it didn’t have a name, if I could name it.

My suggestion?



Think about it. It’s simple and easy to remember.

You’d go out on a clear summer night, look up at Steve and say “Man, Steve is full and bright tonight!*

NASA never wrote me back.

So I’ll throw it out again – MU69, out by Pluto, vote for Steve.

If you don’t like “Steve,” and think you have a better name, you can submit nominations here, and vote for nominations here (Again, vote for Steve.)


“Fatberg! Right Ahead!” – A PSA that could save your sewer’s life.

Here’s a little public service announcement this morning for residents and leaders of any city… in the world (remove sunglasses and insert dramatic music here)!

Today I was educated on something I never knew was an actual problem, but it’s something we can all work together on to solve and prevent.

What’s below our city?

Sewers. Exactly.

Now I used to think the only thing in our sewers was waste and adolescent turtles that know karate and only come out at night to fight bad guys and eat pizza, but I was apparently wrong.

Sewers run under out cities like arteries and veins, and much like arteries and veins, they can apparently get clogged up. Not clogged up like I clog up my toilet after nacho night, but clogged up like your heart gets clogged up and causes a fatal heart attack.

Such was the case in Baltimore, Maryland recently.

What are you looking at there? Welcome to Baltimore’s sewer. You’ll see… no ninja turtles… no singing Christmas poo.. just a giant congealed glob of fat.

This is known as a *Fatberg* and crews say it took about 50 to 60 years for this blockage of fat, grease and oil to form. As you can imagine, it’s not just fat, grease and oil. Mixed in with that you have decades of flushable wipes, diapers, cotton swabs, bandages, a bunch of plastic bags, rubber gloves, pens, batteries, pennies, coins, anything that you flush down your drain.

As our sewer systems age these fatbergs are becoming more and more common. They just had to remove one on London.

So just like your heart, if you have a blocked artery, you have to go in and perform a bypass. That’s what you see in the video above. It’s a robotic camera with a 2,000 pound per square inch pressure washer and an industrial vacuum goes in and clears the fatberg.

Now again, these fatbergs need to be caught sooner than later. I actually found (doctored) footage of them spotting the one in Baltimore.

Getting regular check ups can save your city’s life. The fatberg in Baltimore took $60,000 and a week to remove. Cheaper than an actual heart surgery, I imagine.

There are preventative measures you can take so your city’s arteries don’t get clogged up.

  1. don’t treat your toilet like a trash can. Whatever you flush down your drain can contribute to these clogs.
  2. Don’t feed your sewer line red meat.
  3. Make sure your sewer line is getting at least 30 minutes of cardio a day.

Together, we can save our city’s life.

Japan Gets It. Japan Gets Commercials. Japan Gets Me.

I think it’s safe to say that 90% of the commercials on TV are horrible. That’s pretty much in line with 90% of what’s on TV (especially Coffee With Cory).

But when I’m watching commercials, I usually think, “Who in the world thought that was a good idea?”

We’re in an era of TV when commercials have to be entertaining to keep the viewer from ignoring, fast forwarding, or turning their attention to their phone.

Very few accomplish this. But when it’s good… it’s good.

I’ve always thought I could be that guy to come up with great commercials (I already have the informercials down), but I guarantee most companies would reject the crazy premises.

Then I began to notice commercials from across the ocean. The Pacific Ocean. Japan.

THERE’S a country that will most DEFINITELY get my ideas.

If you need any proof of that, I present to you the greatest commercial I’ve ever seen. Nissan Milk Seafood.

It’s the perfect milk seafood cup to enjoy when you’re sitting in a remote snow-blanketed forest, tripping on hallucinogenic mushrooms being methodically hunted by man-seasons aiming for your warm cup of milk seafood.

It’s… it’s brilliant.

UPDATE: After watching additional Nissan commercials, one of the creepy “Man-seasons” is actually a “Cheese Alien.”


I like your style, Japan. Call me if you need me.