CRAYON NEWS: A Brilliant (?) Plan to Catch Some Mail Thieves Backfires

“Caught the wrong person.”

Nicolas didn’t show any remorse when his strategically placed mousetrap caught the wrong person getting into his mailbox.

Nicolas thought either the drug dealers across the street or the woman who runs a house of prostitution was stealing his mail. So he hatched a plan. A bad plan. And now he has to deal with the consequences.

The rest of the tale told through my artistic talents (?) here:

 

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Tired of men gawking at you at the pool? This should take care of it

It’s been seen on Buzzfeed, Cosmo, and MTV and now it’s catching it’s ultimate break by being featured on coryhoward.com!

In a world of jeans covered in fake mud selling for $425, jeans with “clear knees” selling for nearly $100, or rocks wrapped in leather for $85, ¬†this latest fashion offering shouldn’t surprise me, but it still does. But at least it’s reasonably priced at $44.

The folks at Beloved.com are offering up the hottest (read: Most disturbing) swimsuit you’ll find this year, if you’re brave enough to wear it.

The “Sexy Chest” one piece swimsuit will surely turn some heads around the pool or the lake this summer, and at only $44, it’s totally worth it.

If you’re brave enough, please feel free to send a photo. ūüôā

And if you’re into hairy things, but not necessarily looking like a hairy dude, don’t forget Hairy Banana merch is up for sale now! Get yours HERE.

Happy summer!

swimsuit chest hair

beloved.com

swimsuit chest hair2

beloved.com

Ski equipment or cocaine? The DEA’s 2017 Drug/Slang Words Unclassified

You know how sometimes you see lame news articles aimed at parents about the “secret language your child may be using and you don’t even know it”?

“The emojis your teenager is using and what they mean”

“Decoding your child’s text ¬†or ‘sext’ messages”

“How your child may be talking about drugs around you and you don’t even know it”

You know, stuff like that. The media thinking parents are oblivious and need to be educated on what their kids are actually talking about. Pretty sure no matter how sneaky I was, my parents knew about all the shady stuff I was doing. Of course, we didn’t have cell phones so it was easy for my dad to just pick up the other line and listen in, then make fun of me for reciting Led Zeppelin lyrics to some girl I was trying to impress (“If the sun refused to shine…” Never worked.)

The point is that most of these articles you see are pretty “No duh” and riddled in common sense.

Most parents paying attention know that “420” means weed, or “Smack” means heroin. We don’t need local news to tell us that. But there are¬†so¬†many more slang words used for drugs that even parents in the know will be surprised about, and what better source to get them from than the agency who deals with drugs every day? The DEA.

Back in May, the DEA unclassified a report showing all Рliterally all Рof the drug slang terms they are aware of. And it is fascinating.

Is your child talking about “Friskie Powder” or “Oyster Stew”? I’m sorry to tell you, they are doing cocaine.

Does your co-worker asks you if you’d like any “Grape Parfait”? He doesn’t mean grapes and yogurt. He means LSD. Most definitely.

Did your wife ask you to get her some Blue Bell Ice Cream recently? She doesn’t mean¬†actual¬†¬†Blue Bell Ice Cream. She obviously is talking about meth. You should schedule the intervention now.

The agency released the slang/code words with the caveat, “Every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy and completeness of the information presented. However, due to the dynamics of the ever-changing drug scene, subsequent additions, deletions, and corrections are inevitable.”

The slang words are, if nothing else, hilarious and a great way to expand your vocabulary while simultaneously confusing your friends into thinking you’re either crazy or have a drug problem. Or both. Fun times.

And if you’re looking for a name for your new band… you WILL find it in this list.

Check it out here:buscemi

DEA DRUG/SLANG WORDS 2017