Just hours after it was discovered that Melania Trump “borrowed” some (paragraphs) of Michelle Obama’s 2008 DNC speech, a leaked copy of Donald Trump’s forthcoming RNC speech has been leaked. To me.

Melania told Matt Lauer she wrote the speech herself. Judging by the cover page of this speech, it appears Donald wrote and edited the speech himself, even giving himself an A+. Good for you, Donald.

Though after giving it a once over, hopefully The Donald is going to make additional changes in light of his wife’s plagiarism. The speech is riddled with lines that sound *ahem*, very familiar.

The Donald, apparently not realizing that “four score and 7 years” is a measurement of time, borrows lines from some of the greatest speeches and books in history.

Mr. Trump also leans on a quote he credits to Living Colour, rather than FDR, and give a lot of authority to Scott Baio. At one point he even builds up his military experience by claiming to be a Call of Duty master.

It also appears he either wrote it in crayon or whatever he uses to make himself orange.

Whether Donald uses any of this at the RNC this week after his wife’s incident is yet to be seen, but here it is:

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Transcribed:

“Four Score and 7 years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation conceived in Liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Except for Muslims. Temporarily. Just temporarily. It was incredible. Fantastic.

Now we’re engaged in a civil war, sort of. Look, crooked Hillary started it. But this war, this war, it’s huge, and it tests whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure.

*Make sure to shrug and pierce lips like a butthole here.* Right? Fantastic. Incredible.

In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice… he said, and by the way, this was the best of times, and the worst of times… he said, “Donald, Saddam wasn’t a bad guy, Yeah he threw a little gas, but he knew how to get things done.” I’ve been turning over that in my mind ever since. You know who is bad? Hillary. Hey… call me Ishmael. *Shrug*.

*Consider just throwing out the “You’re Fired” Line here. Just see how it plays.

Hey, I’ve been saying for years, pretty sure I coined this phrase when I opened my Atlantic City casino in 1984, but even back then I said, of all the truths to be self-evident, all men, again, except for a certain few –just temporarily, until we build a wall and ban them from coming into our country –but all men are created equal and are entitled to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and of course a $2.99 all-you-can-eat buffet with a minimum purchase of $10 in slot tokens. I’ve been saying that for years. No one else has. Fantastic. Huge.

Folks, we have to respect authority. And when a man who has been in a position of authority for decades, when a man named Charles, who has been in charge for that amount of time comes here and tells you that I’m the guy… you gotta listen to him. Right? Fantastic. Incredible.

Look, the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself. I admit, That is not my quote. I did not make that up. Living Colour said that in 1988. Fantastic guys. Great guys. Incredible. But Living Colour brings up a good point, but times are changing. We have a lot more to fear than fear. Like the people coming into our country not to work, but solely to rape. Rape. Rape. Someone is doing it. *Pause here and shrug for sure.*

Look, nobody is bigger or better at the military than I am. I might not have any experience whatsoever, but I play Call of Duty and even though I haven’t gotten past the first two levels, I’m pretty good. Probably the best. Incredible. Nobody’s better. I am. I’m the best. Don’t fire until you see the whites in their eyes, right? Incredible. Fantastic.

So we must beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past — we go into the future. To make America Great Again.”