RUNNING TIPS WITH CORY

If you’re like me, you hate running. Does anyone really enjoy it? Plenty of people will tell you they do, but they are lying. I’ve been doing it for years now and still haven’t had the epiphany of “Man, I really enjoy moving my legs quicker than normal for an extended period of time for absolutely no reason!”

So why do I run?

Simple. If I didn’t run, I’d turn into a fat pig and my hot wife wouldn’t appreciate that. That and my dad died of a heart attack, so I want to take care of that thing. I also love music and it’s a great opportunity to get to listen to some rad tunes.

Those reasons aside, there are ways to make running tolerable, dare I say… enjoyable?

As I said, I’ve been running for many years now. When I was in 5th grade I nearly came in 9th place in the Latah Lentil Fun Run. So you could say I know what I’m talking about. So here are my 6 tips that will guarantee you have the best, most enjoyable runs of your life, while staying 100% injury free.

You’re welcome.

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COFFEE WITH CORY: Running With The Flying Irish

If you’re going to run Bloomsday, or just run in Spokane at all, joining The Flying Irish is a must!

Join them for a 3-4 mile run every Thursday night at 6:00pm (Usually at Ripples Riverside Lounge on N. Division), and then stick around and have a beer afterwards!

On your 6th run, you get to stand up in front of everyone and tell an Irish-themed joke. After that you are officially inducted and get your Flying Irish shirt!

Sure they’re hiring, but does Taco Time REALLY want to hire Johnny Manziel?

taco timeIt’s been a tumultuous offseason for Johnny Manziel. The man dubbed “Johnny Football” was released by the Cleveland Browns earlier this year, and so far, he’s still a quarterback without a job. But a few Taco Time restaurants here in Spokane are getting some national attention for their generous offer to the once-promising quarterback.

Taco Time restaurants all over the Spokane area have “Johnny Manziel We’re Hiring” up on their marquees, just in case the quarterback is in the area and has his resume handy. I understand they are simply letting Manziel know that they are hiring and not officially offering a job, but while I’m not a hiring manager, I’m not sure Manziel would be an ideal candidate. Here are some things to consider Taco Time:

1.) He could be in jail. Although it is unclear how Manziel’s upcoming legal troubles will hinder his ability to get hired on with the food chain. Manziel will be indicted on Tuesday on allegations he attacked his ex-girlfriend in January. The misdemeanor charge carries a penalty of up to a year in jail and a $4,000 fine. You can’t come make delicious food if you’re in jail, Johnny.

2.) Reliability. Manziel certainly showed some promise during a game or two this past NFL season (a low standard for Cleveland quarterbacks) and the once-third string QB was even named the starter for the remainder of the season. However, he lost his starting job and not because he wasn’t playing well, but because of his off-field antics. Johnny could start at an entry-level position at Taco Time, but I worry the slightest success or promotion would immediately cause reliability issues. Lord help the Taco Time manager who gives him an employee of the month nod, right?

3.) Immaturity. Look, I understand being young and wanting to have fun, but when you’re told time and time again to cut out the partying because your job relies on it and you still insist on getting drunk (allegedly) while letting anyone with a cell phone film it, you’ve got some growing up to do. I imagine the good people at Taco Time are going to want someone who takes their job seriously, and based on his career path in the NFL, Johnny does not take his job seriously.

Do what you want Taco Time, but if you ask me, you might want to raise your standards beyond young Johnny.

Still Not Sure Who You’re Voting For? Here Are a Few Other Options

Hey in case you guys haven’t heard yet, it’s an election year.

The choices this year are… interesting to say the least. I won’t get partisan in this article and tell you who I think is crazy (*Cough – Trump – Cough*) or who I think can’t be trusted (*Cough – Hillary – Cough*), but I will tell you that while you may only hear about the five main choices of Trump,Clinton,Sanders, Kasich and Cruz, you actually have more than 1000 other options. Sort of.

To eligible to become President of the United States you must be at least 35-years-old, a natural-born U.S. citizen, and lived in the country for at least 14 years. To become an official presidential candidate, you only have to fill out some paperwork. Which is something more than 1000 people have done for this election.

There are Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Communists, Socialists, Unknowns – something for everyone.

Take Mathew Tyler. He’s running under the Independent party and says the knowledge inside his head is rivaled only by a computer. Sounds like a good Presidential candidate, right? Super smart! By his own admission however on his website, he’s lazy. But don’t worry, that’s factored into his presidential plans. For instance, he wants to make all gas stations full service again. You know how awkward it is when you drive to Oregon and have to deal with that. “Do I tip them? Do I not?” Under President Tyler, you can stay in your car and not worry about it.

If you’re looking for someone with a little more “worldly experience”, perhaps Andrew Basiago is your guy. He not only has worldly experience under his belt, but also out-of-this worldly experience. Basiago claims that back in the 1970s he was a child time traveler for the U.S. government and in the 80s made numerous visits to Mars as part of the CIA’s Teleportation Program! A time traveling President! It could possibly save tax payer dollars on Air Force One fuel costs!

Andrew Basiago

PHOTO: Andy2016.com

I know what you’re thinking.

“Time travel? That’s too much power for one President to have!”

Ok, how about someone with some real-world experience? By “real world” I mean “Reality TV.”

One of the attributes you look for in a presidential candidate is someone who isn’t afraid to address a crowd. It’s kind of a must. So who better to run our country than Darwin Misha Reedy. Reedy believes her experiences she has had auditioning for American Idol and the X-Factor qualify her to run the country. Her Twitter handle is even @idolgirlseason6. And Trump supporters don’t worry. She says she would put him in charge of the economy. So there’s that.

Darwin Misha Reedy

PHOTO: @idolgirlseason6 on Twitter

You know who I’ve always said would made a good president? Santa! He’s always jolly. He loves to give and help others, and he’s got a cool beard! Well now he’s running for President! Sort of. 65-year-old Santa Roy Clark is a former Marine who was born on Christmas day and says if he were elected Air Force One is going up for auction on eBay! Who needs that when you have a sleigh and some magical reindeer? You might think he’d put himself in a House of Cards Frank Underwood situation and run with his wife, Mrs. Santa Roy Clark, but you’d be wrong. Clark says if he’s elected, his cat “Baby” will be his Vice President.

SANTA ROY CLARK

Santa Roy Clark PHOTO: http://www.votesanta2016.com

There are plenty more candidates to choose from.

Your inner dialogue right now: “But Cory, I don’t want to scroll through 1500 names! Can you just give me your favorites and add a little quip about them?”

I sure can! Here you go.

AAAAAAAAAAAAABUTTOCKS SYDNEYS VOLUPTOUSCAESAR PRESIDENT EMPERORCANADA JOECAT BUDDY THECAT COURTHOUSE DCHICKEN FROSTYCHRIST JESUSCONRADCRAWFISH CRAWFISHCritic NostalgiaD-23 MEGATRON THEDADDY DISCODAHMER JEFFREYDEATHBRINGER LESALE VENOMANCERDRAGON MX ACTUAL LITERALDUMP TRONALDDURRITOS JARRITOSENNIS P DR JRFAKE THIS ISFELICIA BYEFER LUCI MRSFOR PREZ YODAFROG KERMITGOAT ANUS THEGOD FOR PRESIDENTGRUMP MISTERGUMP FORRESTGUY CAPEHIP HOP FOR PRESIDENTJEKYLL DRKENOBI OBI WAN JEDILYNCH MARSHAWNMCAVERAGE NORMALME HAVE SEX WITHMINAJ NICKIMODE BEASTMONTAIGNE ETHAN JACK THE TRAIN MRMOUSE MICKEYNOTBRUCEWAYNE BATMANPEPPER DOCTORPRESIDENT BANANA FORPUTIN VLADIMIRRANDY SAVAGE GHOST OF MACHO MANREAGANS GHOST RONALD MRSEATTLE SEACHICKENS SUCKSHARK LEFTSKETCH TOM BRADYSKYWALKER ANAKINSPARROW JACKSPIKEY PORCUPINES R MR JRSUCK PONZI SCHEMESSURE NOT MRSWIFT TAYLORWHY NOT ZOIDBURG