Who Needs a Stone Wrapped in Leather for Christmas When You Have These AMAZING Gifts!

There are only a few more shopping days left in the holiday season. This year’s hot item is the Hatchimal. The kids are going crazy for this thing, but they are harder to find than a Turboman was in 1996.

The NES Classic is also a hot item for millennials such as myself. The idea of the games from my childhood all loaded on one system blows my skirt up for sure. But again, good luck finding one until after Christmas.

But what about the hot adult items that everyone’s looking for this year? Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about the gift that has everyone collectively facepalming their foreheads in confusion: Nordstrom’s Leather Wrapped Stone.

I’m not old enough to remember the pet rock, but it has apparently grown up and it is stylish as… it’s really stylish.

Like an emotional teenager, the rock doesn’t want to be called a rock anymore. It wants to be called a stone.

“Shut up, Dad! I’m not a rock anymore! I’m a stone!”

“You’ll always be a rock to me! My sweet baby rock!:

“Ugh, I hate you! Leave me alone!”

*Door slams in anger This dad/son rock argument has been brought to by Huffman Excavating Inc. in Tulsa, OK. They didn’t actually pay for that advertising, I’m just looking to expand advertising while helping out a company I’ve never heard of.

Anyway, this leather wrapped stone from Nordstrom is a real thing.

via Nordstrom

“This smooth Los Angeles-area stone – wrapped in rich, vegetable-tanned American leather secured by sturdy contrast whipstitching – is sure to draw attention wherever it rests,” the description continues. “A traditional hardening process gives the leather a beautiful ombré effect. Like all Made Solid pieces, this one is cut, shaped, sewn and finished by hand in artist Peter Maxwell’s Los Angeles studio.”

Serious? Serious.

If you can’t find room in your budget or house for the large version, there’s also a smaller version. Nordstrom seriously describes the item as “labor-intensive” and insists it is not a joke.

“It can be used as a paperweight, a doorstop, or a piece of art,” the company said.

Of course, since someone with common sense noticed this and spread the news, the fine stone wrapped in leather has sold out.

But don’t worry folks! No need to stress! I can fill that frivolous void in your life ith my new collection of items that are sure to dazzle and delight anyone this holiday season.

For instance, why have a rock in leather when you can have a stick in a stocking?
This wonderful item can be used as dog toy, a TV channel changer, a weapon of self-defense, and of course… a work of art.

I’m selling this one of a kind item that combines mother nature with expertly crafted oversized socks and your deep pockets for only $120.

Here’s another great item for the home or the office! Everyone uses staplers, but this one is different and is sure to make all of our inner Miltons mumble in awe. When it’s not being used for securing two pieces of paper together, it serves as an air freshener with a state of the art, all-natural smelly sheet.

Delicately handcrafted and secured with synthetic, but real look rubber, this item will only set you back $230. (Staples not included)

This next item is more functional and utilitarian than a work of art, but somehow in its simplicity, it is art. I came up with this idea after finding my kitchen constantly in disarray. I was tired of my zipper sandwich bags flying all over the place and making my kitchen feel unorganized? But thanks to this new Coffee With Cory Brand© product: The sandwich bag holder. old up to 10 sandwich bags comfortably… in this:

This revolutionary new item will hold up to 10 sandwich bags comfortably in a high-tech sandwich bag with new age zipper that changes color so you know it’s locked tight and your other sandwich bags aren’t going anywhere. I make all of these items personally, so you know you’re only getting the finest in craftsmanship. This item retails for $100, but if you act now, I’ll knock off $5.

Finally, let’s say you’re giving out the 2006 remake of The Poseidon Adventure, Starring Kurt Russell (a hot item this year). Keep your new treasure safe in my new DVD holder! This soft, 100% real flour tortilla will keep your copy of The Poseiden Adventure covered in a soft, 100% real flour tortilla for three days before it fully hardens.