Australian Court: Farting on co-workers is not bullying

Farts are pretty funny. Let’s just admit that right now. But, of course, only when you’re the one ripping ’em.

When someone else lets one go in your presence, it’s disgusting.

If it’s someone you know, you have a variety of options. You can hit them back with a smelly retaliation. You can tell them what a gross, disgusting, inconsiderate pig they are. Or you can simply leave.

However, what if you were trapped in a room with someone? And they kept farting? At what point does it become a form of harassment?

Thanks to a court in Australia, we still don’t know the answer because they recently ruled that repeatedly farting in the same workspace as your co-worker is not bullying.

I’ve had some co-workers who shamelessly fill the air with their fragrance (you know who you are), but it never got to a point where I thought about taking legal action.

Now, sure, if you were to grab your co-workers head, force it down to your butt and cut one loose on their head, that could be considered bullying. Funny, but also possibly assault.

Lighting farts on fire? Hilarious at Christmas parties. Although not specifically mentioned in most employer’s handbooks, generally considered a violation against personal conduct policies.

fart

But David Hingst says he was forced to share a windowless office with a co-worker who would allegedly let the smelly ducks he was smuggling in his pants quack all day long.

Hingst tried to escape.

Hingst says he moved to another office, but the odoriferous offender would come into his new office and crop-dust him several times a day.

“He would fart behind me and walk away. He would do this five or six times a day. He thrusted his bum at me while he was at work,” Hingst told local media.

Hingst even tried spraying the farter with deodorant to counter the farts. Which, if it was Axe Body Spray, well we can all agree that’s worse than actual farts, right?

You can only push a man so far before he pushes back. But rather than go home and eat a bunch of garlic and baked beans to arm himself for the next day (like a normal person would do), Hingst filed a lawsuit instead. A $1.8 million AUD ($1.2 million American Dollars) lawsuit.

Hingst claimed the non-stop butt jazz a form of bullying.

The court did not agree and ruled the alleged farter was not bullying Hingst, nor was the construction company where they worked negligently. Adding “whoever smelt it, dealt it.”

Hingst came back with a “nah uh, whoever supplied it denied it!”

Ok, that last part didn’t happen. But it should’ve.

The accused claimed he never recalled farting in Hingst’s office but did say it could’ve happened “once or twice.”

This all took place more than 13 years ago, too. Hingst was let go from his job back in 2006. He claims it was because of the fart bullying. The company says it was because of a “downturn in the construction industry.”

At any rate, fart away at work. It’s not bullying. And for a little inspiration, here’s some video of people farting in public through the eyes of The Predator. (Yeah, the video is fake, but still… even digitally inserted gas clouds are funny.)

 

 

 

 

Uranus smells like farts and rotten eggs

*To be read aloud ONLY*

“Uranus smells like farts and rotten eggs.” 

Take a moment to collect yourself. I’ll wait. 

Ok. 

There’s actual science to be learned here, apparently. 

Researchers have found that much of the upper atmosphere of Uranus is hydrogen sulfide. That’s farts. Basically. 

It’s the smell you get when someone lets loose a good one on the Wednesday after Taco Tuesday. 

“If an unfortunate human were ever to descend through Uranus’s clouds, they would be met with very unpleasant and odiferous conditions,” Patrick Irwin from the University of Oxford, one of the study’s authors, said in a news release. 

However, if you happen to find yourself descending toward Uranus, take comfort that suffocation and exposure in the -200 degrees Celsius atmosphere made of mostly hydrogen, helium, and methane would take care of you long before the smell would. 

Scientists “smelled” the atmosphere using data from the Gemini North telescope in Hawaii. Some scientists apparently thought Uranus had high concentrations of hydrogen sulfide, others believed Uranus would contain ammonia, like Jupiter and Saturn. 

So, there you go. Uranus stinks. 

 

Something About This Guy’s Story Stinks. *Hint: His Farts. It’s His Farts.

It’s Friday and if you’re sitting at your computer right now a little melancholy because you haven’t seen any stories about suspected criminals using the power of farts to get them out of an interview with police, then I’m about to make your week a whole lot better and turn that frown upside down. 

On September 1, 24-year-old Sean Sykes Jr., of Kansas City, Missouri, was pulled over. Police found a backpack that contained drugs and two guns, one of them was reported as stolen. 

 

Like most suspected criminals, denied knowing anything about them. Police did not take him at his word. They brought him downtown for some questioning. 

This is where things took a turn for the worse. For the police. 

There was something about Sykes’ story that didn’t add up. Something wasn’t right. Something smelled fishy. 

Turns out, if something did smell fishy it had nothing to do with Sykes’ story, but more likely what he had for lunch. 

While being interrogated, detectives asked Sykes for his address, presumably at the beginning of the interview. 

His answer? 

“Mr. Sykes leaned to one side of his chair and released a loud fart before answering with the address,” a detective noted in his report. 

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Sykes’ decision to rip farts instead of answering questions did pay off for him. Detectives couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Mr. Sykes continued to be flatulent and I ended the interview,” the detective wrote.

Charges. Were. Not. Filed! (At the time.) 

However, Skyes was pulled over again on November 5 and must’ve ran out of gas or at least come across a detective with the sense of smell of Dewey Cox, because this time he was arrested for possession of marijuana, crack and… a stolen gun. 

He was out of farts and out of chances.

Based on the two incidents, Sykes was charged in U.S. District Court for possession with intent to sell cocaine and being a felon in possession of three firearms, two of which were reported stolen.

He was arrested and made his first appearance on Monday. 

Thoughts and prayers to Mr. Sykes’ cellmate.