*Warning: This article contains gratuitous use of the word “Butthole,” but it’s for a good cause. I promise. I think. Probably.
Every morning I come into work and begin scouring the internet for stories. Hard news, soft fluffy pieces, and everything in between.
On Wednesday morning, still suffering from a candy hangover (or a literal hangover from my weekend in Denver. Not sure.), there was one headline that caught my eye. Mostly, because it contained one of my favorite words of all time:
Butthole.
Butthole is a funny word. It’s fun to say. I’m 34-years-old and it still makes me chuckle like I’m 8-years-old again.
But what author or journalist would use it in their headline (besides an awesome one)? It’s not a curse word, but it’s also not a word I’d get away with saying on T.V. (Which is why I’m writing about it here instead of delighting you all with it on Coffee With Cory)
Anus is probably what I’d have to say, and while funny in itself, “anus” has been watered down by years and years of solar system Uranus jokes. It just doesn’t pack the punch of “butthole.”
So when I saw “Tiny Kitten ‘Needs A Butthole'” as a headline I immediately became interested. Actually, I immediately laughed out loud. Not like when you straight-faced text “LOL” to your friends, but actually laughed out loud.
Laughter turned to interest, interest turned concern.
Who was this kitten? Why did she not have a butthole? Every living creature deserves a butthole. PETA and I don’t always agree on everything, but I think it’s safe to say we agree on that.
The kitten is a newborn named “Cluck.”
Cluck was rescued from the streets of L.A. with her mother and brothers and sisters. She’s sweet and adorable. But she apparently has no butthole.
Cluck was born with a condition known as “Imperforate Anus” or “Imperforate Butthole.”
I called my sister, who is a veterinarian, to confirm this was a real thing, but she didn’t answer. Probably because I tend to call her once a week or so pretending to have some sort of wacky ailment. I’m the boy who cried wolf. Or the boy who cried that my ferret had eaten 23 boxes of Kraft Mac and Cheese. Either way, she doesn’t believe me much anymore, so I doubt she’d have the patience to hear about my concern for a kitty with no butthole. *See edit at the bottom of page.
However, I did do some research.
This condition is caused by an abnormal development of the fetus (duh), according to medlinepuls.gov. In Cluck’s case her poop and pee come out of the same hole, according to the rescue group.
Since she’s still nursing, her poo is pretty liquidy right now. But trouble is brewing. As she grows older and gets off the milk, her poo will become solid and it won’t be able to come out as it does now.
So with a ticking clock, a street cat rescue in Los Angeles, Kitty Bungalow Charm School for Wayward Cats, has started a fundraising to help Cluck via Crowdrise called, “Kitty Needs a Butthole.”
With an initial goal of $4,000, the campaign has already raised nearly $10,000! The organization said that any money raised after $4,000 will go to help the other cats in their facility, even the ones with buttholes.
And the latest update on Cluck and her missing butthole reads:
“Thank you all for your outpouring of support for Cluck! She spent the weekend in and out of the vet’s office as they observed her non apparent butt closely. Mostly they took contrast xrays of her intestines to see how much of a digestive tract she has. She didn’t like the contrast as much as she likes mama’s boob but she was a champ non the less (sic). We are awaiting a surgery plan for the next steps as they are reviewing all of her films to get the best sense of what to expect when she goes in for her surgery.”
So there’s hope for Cluck.
But I can’t help but wonder: Is this real? Is this just a PR stunt for the hilarious television show Nathan For You? It is in Los Angeles, a business community Nathan Fielder has been known to help.
And let’s be honest, this picture just looks like something he would do:
Kitty Bungalow Charm School for Wayward Cats/CrowdRise
What would the end goal be with a butthole-less cat campaign? To raise awareness and money for other shelter cats I would imagine.
The site doesn’t actually show a picture of Cluck’s butt, so we don’t know if there’s a hole there or not. And there are no x-rays on the fundraising site showing the plumbing of Cluck. And is it even possible for poo and pee to come out of the same hole?
All great questions that I don’t have the answer to, but I would hope that no one, especially someone as brilliant as Nathan, would use a cute little (potentially butthole-less) kitty in such a way.
Yeah, butthole is a funny word. And a cat missing a butthole is a funny premise. Perhaps for a new cartoon sitcom. But cartoons aren’t real. And a real cat doesn’t have a butthole, and that’s serious. So if you’d like to help Cluck and the other cats, you can donate HERE.
And hopefully the money goes to a good cause. Buttholes or not. For the betterment of the greater Los Angeles cat community.
Also, if you want to help animals locally, go to your local animal shelter and volunteer or adopt a new friend.
Butthole.
*Edit: After writing this, my sister did call me back and said the condition is possible, but she wouldn’t be able to officially comment without examining the cat herself or looking at the medical file of the feline. So, there’s that.
Cory Howard 