Cows doing cow things where they shouldn’t be doing cow things

Something extraordinary happened on Tuesday. Two cows got out of the pasture and did cow things outside of their pasture. In the city! What? 

Every so often we get a phone call or a message about a moose roaming around a neighborhood. “Moose on the Loose” is probably what you’ll hear us (and every other news station in the country) say when such an event occurs. I’ve made it a personal goal not to use that cliche phrase or puns in any moose articles I may be inclined to write or post on Facebook. 

Tuesday morning however, it was a horse of a different color. Or cow. Two of them to be exact (For the record, they appeared to be steers, but for the purposes of this story, they will be colloquially referred to as cows). They were seen roaming the South Hill after escaping their enclosure from… somewhere nearby. Anyway, it wasn’t a moose, so I figured “What the heck? Let’s write about some cows!” 

But should I include puns? It behooves me to at least try. Is there a verb that not only describes cows “on the loose”, but also rhymes with “cow”? Not that I could think of, but “Cows Say ‘Ciao'” seemed like it would fit. I know, it’s a stretch.” Udderly” ridiculous. 

“Bovines Make a Beeline”? Not a great rhyme, Seemed like a “mi-steak.” I don’t know. I’ve had a lot of “calfeine” today. 

“Bulls On A Roll”? Although “a-moo-sing”, they weren’t bulls. That would be “steering” you in the wrong direction. 

As I’m sitting here trying to come up with a headline, my co-worker Luke walks by and says, “Can’t come up with a headline, huh? Sounds like you’re ‘pasture prime.'” Even though this was audibly transmitted, I know he meant “pasture” and not “past your.”

Thanks. Luke and I now have a “beef.” 

“Cows on a Caper”? Doesn’t rhyme, but I “herd” alliteration is always appropriate in these situations. I’m just “milking” it at this point. 

How about something as simple as “Cows doing cow things where they shouldn’t be doing cow things”? Bingo. 

Okay, now that you’ve been briefed on the thought that went in to this headline, and if you haven’t knocked yourself out from the surely dozens of times you’ve smacked your own head after every poor pun prior to this point, here’s the story: 

Two cows got out of their fenced field on the south hill just south of 17th and Freya. Eventually the owner was able to corral them. and got them back to their field. That’s it. All is well now. Thanks for reading!


This guy is wrangling these cows with the bravery and composure of Chris Pratt training raptors. Nice work, buddy.


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