Still Not Sure Who You’re Voting For? Here Are a Few Other Options

Hey in case you guys haven’t heard yet, it’s an election year.

The choices this year are… interesting to say the least. I won’t get partisan in this article and tell you who I think is crazy (*Cough – Trump – Cough*) or who I think can’t be trusted (*Cough – Hillary – Cough*), but I will tell you that while you may only hear about the five main choices of Trump,Clinton,Sanders, Kasich and Cruz, you actually have more than 1000 other options. Sort of.

To eligible to become President of the United States you must be at least 35-years-old, a natural-born U.S. citizen, and lived in the country for at least 14 years. To become an official presidential candidate, you only have to fill out some paperwork. Which is something more than 1000 people have done for this election.

There are Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Communists, Socialists, Unknowns – something for everyone.

Take Mathew Tyler. He’s running under the Independent party and says the knowledge inside his head is rivaled only by a computer. Sounds like a good Presidential candidate, right? Super smart! By his own admission however on his website, he’s lazy. But don’t worry, that’s factored into his presidential plans. For instance, he wants to make all gas stations full service again. You know how awkward it is when you drive to Oregon and have to deal with that. “Do I tip them? Do I not?” Under President Tyler, you can stay in your car and not worry about it.

If you’re looking for someone with a little more “worldly experience”, perhaps Andrew Basiago is your guy. He not only has worldly experience under his belt, but also out-of-this worldly experience. Basiago claims that back in the 1970s he was a child time traveler for the U.S. government and in the 80s made numerous visits to Mars as part of the CIA’s Teleportation Program! A time traveling President! It could possibly save tax payer dollars on Air Force One fuel costs!

Andrew Basiago

PHOTO: Andy2016.com

I know what you’re thinking.

“Time travel? That’s too much power for one President to have!”

Ok, how about someone with some real-world experience? By “real world” I mean “Reality TV.”

One of the attributes you look for in a presidential candidate is someone who isn’t afraid to address a crowd. It’s kind of a must. So who better to run our country than Darwin Misha Reedy. Reedy believes her experiences she has had auditioning for American Idol and the X-Factor qualify her to run the country. Her Twitter handle is even @idolgirlseason6. And Trump supporters don’t worry. She says she would put him in charge of the economy. So there’s that.

Darwin Misha Reedy

PHOTO: @idolgirlseason6 on Twitter

You know who I’ve always said would made a good president? Santa! He’s always jolly. He loves to give and help others, and he’s got a cool beard! Well now he’s running for President! Sort of. 65-year-old Santa Roy Clark is a former Marine who was born on Christmas day and says if he were elected Air Force One is going up for auction on eBay! Who needs that when you have a sleigh and some magical reindeer? You might think he’d put himself in a House of Cards Frank Underwood situation and run with his wife, Mrs. Santa Roy Clark, but you’d be wrong. Clark says if he’s elected, his cat “Baby” will be his Vice President.

SANTA ROY CLARK

Santa Roy Clark PHOTO: http://www.votesanta2016.com

There are plenty more candidates to choose from.

Your inner dialogue right now: “But Cory, I don’t want to scroll through 1500 names! Can you just give me your favorites and add a little quip about them?”

I sure can! Here you go.

AAAAAAAAAAAAABUTTOCKS SYDNEYS VOLUPTOUSCAESAR PRESIDENT EMPERORCANADA JOECAT BUDDY THECAT COURTHOUSE DCHICKEN FROSTYCHRIST JESUSCONRADCRAWFISH CRAWFISHCritic NostalgiaD-23 MEGATRON THEDADDY DISCODAHMER JEFFREYDEATHBRINGER LESALE VENOMANCERDRAGON MX ACTUAL LITERALDUMP TRONALDDURRITOS JARRITOSENNIS P DR JRFAKE THIS ISFELICIA BYEFER LUCI MRSFOR PREZ YODAFROG KERMITGOAT ANUS THEGOD FOR PRESIDENTGRUMP MISTERGUMP FORRESTGUY CAPEHIP HOP FOR PRESIDENTJEKYLL DRKENOBI OBI WAN JEDILYNCH MARSHAWNMCAVERAGE NORMALME HAVE SEX WITHMINAJ NICKIMODE BEASTMONTAIGNE ETHAN JACK THE TRAIN MRMOUSE MICKEYNOTBRUCEWAYNE BATMANPEPPER DOCTORPRESIDENT BANANA FORPUTIN VLADIMIRRANDY SAVAGE GHOST OF MACHO MANREAGANS GHOST RONALD MRSEATTLE SEACHICKENS SUCKSHARK LEFTSKETCH TOM BRADYSKYWALKER ANAKINSPARROW JACKSPIKEY PORCUPINES R MR JRSUCK PONZI SCHEMESSURE NOT MRSWIFT TAYLORWHY NOT ZOIDBURG

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